Exam Time

The cake Admissions got for me…yum!

Whew—what a whirlwind the weeks leading up to midterms were! By about this time in the semester, everyone starts spending less time socializing at meals and rushes off to finish reviewing for that next big test that’s looming. One often sees students walking around with a book or flashcards, or people off in corners intently reciting history facts or Spanish vocabulary. I, for one, ended up regaling friends with History of the English Language notes while we waited in the lunch line. (Guess who’s going to avoid me the next time they see me coming with a notepad in hand?)

Another notable event of the week—at least in my grandmother’s eyes—was my twenty-second birthday. Unfortunately, I spent most of the day in frenetic study, and when friends asked me what I was doing to celebrate, a sort of garbled, “Please don’t throw me a party or anything that might take time away from studying” escaped my lips…but the day was special, in spite of all the homework, because of all the sweet notes, phone calls, and happy birthday wishes. One friend also made me sugar cookies, and another gave me a pair of earrings. The Admissions Office even got me a delicious cookie cake—I was so impressed that they remembered my birthday! ‘Twas a special day because of the wonderful people God has put in my life.

Hannah and Amanda enjoying a night of cookies and fellowship in Robinson kitchen a couple weekends ago.

During the intense couple of weeks leading up to Fall Break, the social life of most people on campus tends to effervesce into the realm of the wished-for-but-currently-nonexistent. Unless, of course, study groups count as socializing. Studying in a group can be extremely helpful—not least when the participants keep from devolving into bouts of hyperventilation (not that I would ever do that). But in all seriousness, especially in the midst of exam season, it’s important for me to step back and ask myself why I’m studying or working hard in the first place.

A lesson I seem to learn again and again is that, if my aim is to bring glory to self and to earn the praise of men, I just won’t be able to continue when my stamina is running low and I’m exhausted by the rigors of academic life. If self-aggrandizement is the goal in view, either failure will lead to despair or success will lead to disillusionment and pride, because nothing apart from Jesus Christ can ultimately satisfy. A challenging round of exams and essays often reminds me of this truth. Consequently, I Corinthians 10:31 is a verse I try to keep in mind continually: “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

Who ate all the cookies?

Though hardly on par with Scripture, a couple of Inklings quotes were also a help to me last week amidst the exam-craziness. Gandalf’s words to Frodo are, I think, quite relevant for the college student juggling massive amounts of reading and writing: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” In The Weight of Glory (an incredible book of essays that is a must-read), Lewis states that “the present is the only time in which any duty can be done or any grace received.” Especially for those believers with perfectionist-tendencies, it’s important to be reminded that all we can do is seek to wisely the time we have, for the glory of the One who has called us. And for those of us who tend to be lazy or lackadaisical in our approach to the work God has placed before us, it’s important to remember that our time is not our own and that we serve a great King. If we really believed that, how would the way we spend our time look different?

The Beauty of Community

In most ways, the first semester of my senior year has thus far been wonderful —it’s been great to be back in the residence hall surrounded by dear friends, and I love my classes. What hasn’t been so great?  Probably all the things that have broken down during the first month of school: first my car, then my printer, and more recently, me (at least, physically, if not so much mentally…though some might beg to differ). It all started several weeks ago with a painfully swollen joint in my toe, followed by a case of asthmatic bronchitis and a sinus infection. Being sick has been difficult—feeling bad isn’t exactly a good study aid—but the Lord has used my extended illness both to teach me compassion and to show me what a caring, loving community surrounds me.

Excited about our new hall decorations on the second floor of Kennedy Residence Hall.

It’s far easier to be impatient with others, or to be annoyed by the person in the back of the room coughing up a lung (for the past few weeks that’s been me), when you haven’t walked in their shoes before. Health is something we tend to take for granted—a sort of right we tend to demand—when the reality is that every day of good health is an immense blessing and God’s grace to us. How quickly I forget that! But God’s mercies also come in other forms, including that of physical weakness. And whether that physical weakness takes the form of a broken bone, a lingering illness, or a chronic disease, God will use those hardships in our lives for our good—to make us more like Christ—if we seek Him in the midst of them. Easier said than done, yes? In addition to giving me a renewed sensitivity to the physical trials of others, God has used my bouts of illness to humble me in ways I wouldn’t have expected.

Over course of last few weeks, friends have cared for me in so many ways—opening doors for me, carrying things for me, giving me cards and chocolate, asking how I am every day for weeks straight. Just in the last two weeks, different friends have given me cherry juice, dried cherries, cough drops, cranberry juice, ibuprofen (when I ran out and wasn’t mobile enough to easily get more), vitamin C tablets, lemons, a vaporizer, and crutches. Two friends have even carried me, and others have offered to do so. Talk about being humbled by the selfless service and sacrifice of others! The experience has been a powerful portrait of what it looks like when others are the hands and feet of Jesus—the body of Christ made manifest in our lives.

Our fabulous SLAs sketched scenes from classic literature and then gave crayons to everyone on the hall…such fun! Here I’m coloring a drawing of Edmund and the White Witch.

God has graciously provided friends to literally and figuratively carried me through these past couple of weeks of physical trial, and at one point after I broke down in tears, my sweet roommate assured me that she was happy to do anything I needed her to do—that it was a joy to serve me, because she loves me. (This after she’d carried my laundry up and down the stairs for me and walked to a nearby store to get me ibuprofen.) More recently, said roommate has had her sleep interrupted nightly for two weeks by my violent, constant coughing attacks—and when I apologize for keeping her awake, she cheerily replies, “Oh it’s all right,” and says with a teasing twinkle in her eye, “I know you aren’t doing it for your own amusement!” What a blessing to be surrounded by friends who love and care for me even when I’m unlovable. Don’t we all need community like that?

Sing, Sing, Sing

Out of all the talents God could have given me, I’m so glad He chose singing. As I look back on my life and all the opportunities I’ve had to share my voice through song, I’m thankful but I’m also disappointed.

I’m thankful because each and every opportunity has provided me with a wonderful platform to share my testimony, but I’m disappointed because there have been one too many opportunities that I’ve turned down simply because of fear of rejection or criticism.

It’s hard when you expose yourself to people through a song. The song itself becomes a part of you and you embody the lyrics and the emotions behind it. Then you present it to the audience and after that you just wait for the criticism. Of course, some of it is very constructive so that you can improve and make your craft even better. Some of it is positive which helps give you that extra confidence to keep going. But some of it is negative and it’s hard to get trapped into only focusing on the negative comments.

I say all this because it took me so long to realize that singing isn’t something I just do for fun or even something I do to minister. It’s truly my passion.

I love business. I love journalism. But i truly LOVE singing.

In a way, I don’t even want to imagine myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. Although, I’m not sure how realistic that is. Everyone tries to tell you can’t make it but I say that if that’s what God is preparing me for (through music theory, aural skills, and voice lessons) then so be it. Who am I to doubt God and put Him in a box? If I have a voice and song that needs to be heard, He will surely open the doors for me and allow the people that need to hear it to do just that.

As of late, God has actually opened the door for me at Mt. Zion Baptist Church in Belton, SC. I went to choir practice there last night for the first time and I was immediately greeted by every one of the choir members. They prayed for me. They encouraged me. They ministered to me. It was just practice but I LOVED it and cannot wait to become even more involved with their music ministry.

The  music that goes beyond the ears and eyes and straight to the heart…that’s the kind of music I enjoy, that’s the kind of music that I hope to share with people one day, no matter how big the stage. I have a voice and I know God gave it to me to use for His glory.

Choraleers

I’m in the process of planning the end of the year banquet for the Choraleers and it’s all kinda bittersweet. I realize I only have one more year with this precious group of people. Sure, from time to time we get on each other’s nerves, but at the end of the day, we are a family that sticks together and encourage each other. We share laughs. We share heartaches. We share triumphs. We share failures. But at the end of the day the greatest thing we get to do as a group is minister to people and in turn get ministered to by the very people we’re singing for. I’m actually going to miss people next year. Let’s be real, sometimes people just get on your nerves. But for what it’s worth, I’ve shared a lot of nice moments with the seniors that are going to be leaving next year. Time goes by so fast and at a time like this I feel compelled to make better use of all the time I’ve been given with the people that God’s placed in my life. You can learn something from people if you just take the time to get to know them. You don’t always have to like the person, but we are called to love each other.

The banquet will be this Friday afternoon and I’m looking forward to it. We’ve got some great gifts prepared for our director and accompanist and the fellow officers. We’ve got a slideshow ready for people and are prepared for lots of laughter and reflection on past memories. It’s going to be a great time of fellowship.

Focus

Last night SCA hosted a concert featuring 2Moon ministry. They are a father-daughter team and it was so awesome because they not only shared their music with us but also their testimonies.

I was at Outback last night for dinner (check the previous post) and wasn’t planning on making it back in time for the SCA concert. I dropped my friends off at their dorms and was about to turn around to go back to my own when I felt God telling me to go to the concert. So I did. I mean when God tells you to do something, you do it. Or you suffer the consequences.

There was a time for prayer toward the end and as I sat in my seat, I began to weep, desperately. Lately, I’ve been battling a lot so I cried out to God for answers and He gave me one. It wasn’t at all what I wanted to hear but it was exactly what I needed.

The coolest part though is the way in which He told me. After the concert I lingered hoping to speak to the artists. When I stopped to speak the father looked me straight in the eyes and began to speak to me. For that moment I felt nothing but God. No one else was in the room. Just he and I and God. God used him to tell me something I’ve been waiting so long to hear.

My life won’t ever be the same from that point. Why? Because last night I realized how far I’d strayed from the straight and narrow and what it’s going to take to redirect my steps. God never gave up on me. He let me find out some things and learn from my own mistakes the hard way but He has restored me and forgiven my sin. He has reassured me of His presence and that I am still destined for greatness.

I have a purpose on this earth and I will not rest, even though I may grow weary, until I figure out exactly what that purpose is.

So be encouraged, for you too have a very definitive purpose for your life. Let God lead you instead of being stubborn. If you don’t take heed you’ll find yourself unhappy and discontent. And take it from me, that life filled with shallow happiness is worth nothing compare to one that’s filled with unconditional love and joy!

Rainy Days

It’s a rainy day at Erskine which means I’d rather be sleeping than awake right now. I was up pretty late last night (it’s just that time of year…you know, that time when all the work you should’ve been doing piles up and now you’re completely overwhelmed, stressed, and sleep deprived).

But regardless, I will be going to class in the next hour and a half. It’s Bible and it’s an 8 am. But I’m thankful. Why? Because I will never have to take an 8am class again!! Can I get an amen?!

My day will continue on. I have time to nap before my HR class later with Dr. Abraham. He’s fairly new in the business department but he has definitely made an impact on my life. Last year, even through all he was facing with his wife and her passing, he kept teaching class. He’s such a great Christian example and a true man of integrity. That’s rare in business these days.

After that I go off to Music & Politics taught by Dr. Woodiwiss and Dr. Kuykendall. Two of the most interesting and professors I’ve been taught by this year at Erskine. Music has always been such a huge part of my life so it’s cool to be able to see how it’s connected to politics. We get into some pretty heated discussions but it’s nice to open the mind and be open to different peoples interpretations of things.

Usually, I would go to Choraleers after that class but this week we have a bit of a break before graduation. It’s crazy to think that next year around this time my fiends and I will no longer be those bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshman we once were. We will be seniors, young adults with certain skills under our belts with hopes and dreams to go out in the world and make some sort of an impact.

Acting class follows lunch and an afternoon nap (even though by now you’ve gathered that I take not one but two naps on Monday’s and Wednesday’s). It’s taught by Michael Genevie, current director of Abbeville’s Opera House. He’s a fun guy and I’ve always wanted to get back to my acting roots. I started acting on stage before I started singing so it’s neat to be able to come back and revisit an art that I didn’t even realize I missed so much until now.

Since its Wednesday, I will be attending FCA later in the evening. I’m still leading worship which has once again been a great experience for me. God has truly been working on me all year and I thoroughly enjoy being able to let God use my voice to minister to people. Tonight we are going to have the pastor of my church and his wife and another church couple come and answer our questions about anything and everything from a biblical perspective. I’m definitely looking forward to it and will most likely make another post about how it went later tonight.

Well, that’s my typical Wednesday. Monday’s are similar. I hope you’ve enjoyed all of that. If not, don’t worry I’m not offended. It’s just a peak into a typical day at Erskine for me.

It’s still raining…maybe I’ll get an email about class being cancelled…

Remember the “Good” of this Friday

I woke up this morning to an abnormally chilly day in Charleston (I don’t think it ever reached more than upper 50’s, and it’s April!), and I could not help but think. . . I have a lot of homework to do in the next couple of days.  I did realize that today is the last day of Lent; after forty days of preparation, today Christians somberly recognize the death of our savior almost two thousand years ago, bearing the weight of our sins.  However, as a college student enjoying a long weekend (one of the nice things about a Christian college is not having classes on Good Friday), do we appreciate this day?  Even though many of us go home this weekend to spend the holiday with our families, it is not a particularly long break, and there are still papers to be written, projects to be finished, pages to be read, events to plan for, and many aspects of daily life to complete.

Since normal life goes on, how should we observe and properly honor this important day?  This can be a tough question.  I admit that though I observed the Catholic ritual of no meat/partial-fasting, this is the most that I really thought about the significance of the day until late this afternoon.  Instead, I finished my French homework, did some of my reading, responded to a couple of e-mails, chatted with my sister, complained about having to wear long sleeves in April, and read a couple of news articles.  In short, like most Christians today, I had not taken the time to read the Bible, have a quiet moment of reflection and prayer, or – Heaven forbid! – even gone to church.

Jesus after the passion - taken in a Cathedral that I visited in Barcelona, Spain.

Doing mundane tasks today does not make a bad Christian, but it seems to me that a failure to recognize Good Friday is a failure to appreciate Christ.  To someone who does not understand Christianity, it could seem morbid to term a day “Good” that marks the terrible death of one man for the sake of all sinners – all men.  However, we know that Jesus was the ultimate “Good” because he was the son of God – the source of all goodness – and that his death was the best “Good” that God could possibly have given us, in placing the burden of our sins on Jesus.

So, it is important to take just a moment to think about this greatest of blessings that God gave us before continuing with the rest of the day, inane activities and all.  After praying, or reading the Bible, or however you like to spend time with God, try to take the peace with you through everything else you have to do – I can tell you that it makes all the homework, housework, or whatever you have to do a lot more bearable.

Blessings to everyone this Good Friday!

Jeremiah 29:11-13

This afternoon I turned in a rather interesting first assignment for my Research & Criticism class (the final course for senior music majors) – my musical autobiography.  I had to write about several events, people, or other experiences that have helped develop me into who I am now as a musician.  It was interesting to sit down and think about all the causes, since I was little, that have led me to where I am today; putting all this into a narrative, though abbreviated, gave me a new perspective of how profoundly everything affects us, even when we do not realize it.

The more I mulled over and analyzed these events in my life, the more I was struck by what a marvelous plan God has for me, putting all these elements in place to bring me to where I am.  At twenty-two years old, I have found my passion in music, my dream of where I want to take it, and my motivation to work hard to get there.  I have been blessed along the way with so many supportive teachers, and had countless opportunities to learn, grow, explore, and perform.  What a comfort to trust in the Lord and His control over our lives – to be able to see it clearly once in a while is a convicting experience.

So, with this new comfort and renewal of faith, I am determined to worry less about my impending grad school auditions, and focus more of that energy on doing what I can to prepare – He will take care of placing me where I need to go, as long as I stay open and trusting.

 

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.  When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.  When you look for me, you will find me. . .”

Back at Erskine

Enjoying a meal at a local "Mom and Pop" restaurant in the great metropolis of Belton shortly after my return.

It’s been rather a while since I wrote last, probably because I’ve been busy transitioning from “Spain life” back into  life at Erskine—a transition that has kept my time happily filled with catch-up coffee dates, time spent getting to know freshmen I only briefly met during fall orientation, and moving back into the dorm. There certainly are things about moving back to Erskine after having been abroad that are disorienting. (For one thing, I’m “the new kid” in some ways, while the freshmen now have a semester of Erskine history under their belt for which I was absent.) Overall, though, it’s been incredibly fun to jump back into the swing of things here in good ol’ Due West. And although lots of amazing conversations and times with friends have been had since I got back, one particular incident from this evening is what I’d like to share at the moment.

You see, as much as I loved Spain and wouldn’t trade the experiences I had there for the world, I also greatly missed Erskine, in large part because the community God has blessed me with here is so very special. Honestly, it took being away from Erskine for me to realize how truly amazing it is. Not because it’s a perfect school, nor because I’m always 100% happy every day here (I mean, we live in a fallen world), but because being far from home has shown me what an incredible blessing it is to be surrounded by so many encouraging friends who are all came to Erskine for the same reasons I did. Now, don’t get me wrong—there is quite a lot of ideological diversity on Erskine’s campus; and that’s a good thing! There’s a great contrast, however, between finding a handful of Christian friends in Spain and, at Erskine, being surrounded by a vast number of like-minded friends who challenge me, encourage me, and support me.

One fun January outing was an evening at the home of Erskine's Admissions Operations Coordinator (who also happens to be a fabulous cook and hostess)...

This evening, for example, I was wrestling inwardly with a bit of an existential crisis regarding my future calling (a crisis I would imagine not a few college students have experienced right around this time in their educational career).  I’ve always thought this was the vocation God was calling me to, but now I don’t even know…and maybe this isn’t what I’m meant to do for reasons x, y, z…but if it’s not, then what IS He calling me to? Etc., etc. Like a badly authored bit of stream of consciousness writing, these thoughts were racing through my head as I walked into my dorm a few hours ago to find an unsuspecting friend on sitting at the desk on lobby duty. Since I’m usually terrible at keeping whatever thoughts are consuming me bottled up, some of the aforementioned stream of incoherent thoughts and questions began to spill out.

Under Amanda's tutelage, we cooked a delicious meal together. Here are Rachel and Rebekah cutting up the potatoes.

So what did my friend—who happens to be a kind and insightful psychology major—do? She had me sit down and talk through my life plans and goals with her. And of course, since I’m at Erskine, I can already predict that this was one in a long series of conversations which I’ll doubtless have with various friends as I process and they advise, direct, and ask helpful questions. The simple fact that there are a large number of wise, well-adjusted, and caring individuals who will all listen as I babble and give me solid, Biblical advice in response is just a mind-boggling blessing. Living on a campus surrounded by friends who challenge, encourage, and care for me every day is such a delight. College is indeed a unique season of life. And like any other part of life, college is also largely what one makes of it. Erskine just happens to be an especially wonderful place in which to do that. “We always thank God for all of you…We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” ~1 Thessalonians 1:2-3.

The scrumptious dinner we made. And there isn't even a picture of the coffee-cake pound-cake we made for dessert. Yum.

Musings in Spain

One thing I’ve loved about being in Spain has been the relatively extensive amount of time I have here to read, study, and contemplate. Granted, I miss all of the Erskine fellowship, activities, and other commitments that fill my time when I’m at school in the US. It’s been quite refreshing, however, to have a season much more conducive to studying certain topics more deeply, with the time to follow intellectual rabbit trails that peak my interest. At the moment, for example, I’m reading Boethius’s Consolation of Philosophy, a 6th century work of philosophy that had a huge impact on the development of the Western tradition and is referenced by later authors like Dante and Chaucer. Although this ancient work of philosophy in not written from a specifically Christian perspective, God is often referenced, and I’ve been fascinated to note how closely much of the wisdom contained therein parallels the truths of Scripture.

This weekend, a friend from Erskine who's currently studying at Oxford came to visit me and Lisa! We had fun, and we even made time to go to the Alicante "mercadillo" (Saturday market), pictured here.

It has also been interesting to note how pertinent Boethius’s musings are to the twenty-first century world of pluralism and moral relativism in which we live. For example, he declares that, “If God exists, whence comes evil? Yet whence comes good, if He exists not?” Here, in this sixth century classic, a philosopher wrestles with the problem of evil, which a number of friends her in Spain have pointed to as a reason for disbelief. And yet, Boethius concludes that, yes, the fallen nature of our world is puzzling; but that, apart from some outside standard, our innate concept of “good” and “evil” makes no sense. If there is no God, we have no ground to stand on from which to condemn heinous acts, and this absence of an outside standard would inevitably lead to nihilism if we were intellectually honest.

Joseph, Lisa, and I enjoyed catching up over coffee...three friends talking about Due West, SC in a Spanish panadería. Who would've thought?

Boethius also remarks that, “whenever a man by proclaiming his good deeds receives the recompense of fame, he diminishes in a measure the secret reward of a good conscience”, which echoes the Scriptural truth that, “when [we] give to the needy”, we are “not [to] announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full” (Mark 6:2). I also love the beauty of the author’s words as he addresses Lady Philosophy, albeit in the midst of his distress over being unjustly accused of treason: “Is this the library, the room which thou hadst chosen as thy constant resort in my home, the place where we so often sat together and held discourse of all things in heaven and earth? …thou didst trace for me with thy wand the courses of the stars, moulding the while my character and the whole conduct of my life after that patter of the celestial order…”

Anyway, back to Spain. A troubling dilemma that I’ve encountered since arriving is the question of how much I can reasonably cart back to the US. Namely, how many books will fit in my suitcase, along with all of my clothing and other necessities (oh, and a souvenir or two), without pushing it over the highly unrealistic weight limit (*cough*, please don’t report me to American Airlines). I empathize greatly with a remark of Ben House’s that I read the other day on the one of my favorite blogs, the Grantian Florilegium. This is his confession: “I start more books than I finish. I buy more than I start. I forget much of what I read… Mornings begin with reading and coffee. My light cannot go out without at least a few minutes to read at the end of the day. Beside my bed stand a dangerous leaning tower—the great mass of unfinished volumes looming over my bed.” I just hooted when I read this, because—as my family will tell you—I’m the same way. The only problem
is that I cannot realistically transport a mini-library across the Atlantic Ocean in my limit-of-fifty-pounds suitcase. My solution? I’ve borrowed books and gone to the library. Of course, as with Ben, my bibliophilic enthusiasm has rather outstripped my ability to read rapidly (especially in Spanish). Consequently, I have far more books in my room at the moment than I can possibly finish in a semester…and I only have four weeks left. I can hardly believe it! How time does fly.

A few of the books on my shelf...